RJ Strife (bled_for_days) wrote,
RJ Strife

Gender Identity

For the last 5 years I have identified somewhere under the Transgender umbrella. Between genderqueer and gender fluid. My preferred pronouns started with he/him and changed to they/them/it/ze/zie . I like confusing people. I like being comfortable me and for them go "is that a boy or a girl" I want them to stop and think before they slap a label on me. Before they start throwing expectations of how I should look or act. I want them to take a step back. It is surely a rare occasion that this happens, but it did. Over time female pronouns and expectations became more and more intense and began to frustrate me.

I have never really known how to defend myself, verbally or physically. I am scared as shit of not being able to defend myself when i need to, and I surely don't do it verbally for sure. I really have a fear of offending people or saying something that I don't mean to or that I don't fully understand.

I have always loved my body, even when I was underweight. I have worked rather hard over the last 5 years to get a body that I am more proud of so that I am healthy. It is a constant work in progress and the journey will never end. I have been sitting at 105lbs for the last 2 years at least and for that I am proud of myself. I would love to have more muscle definition and that is my current goal. Working out and diet are my priorities.

I was waiting to get my DL for the non-binary option to be available. At this point I am not sure why I am doing that. I have always believed in strong women. The women that didn't fit the societal expectation. I had a tattoo once that was supposed to prove that strength, but the design was too much like something else and I had it covered up. I want something that will represent. I am a strong woman. I don't fit in societies box as to what a woman is and I don't need to.

Going forward I don't care what others think or expect of me as a woman. I am me and they can take it or leave it. If people place judgment or expectations on me, that's on them, not me. I can only control me.

There have been people that ask my preferred pronouns and them, I am forever grateful. There are those that ask and do not use them. Usually not because they are trying to be disrespectful, but because damn is it hard to change a lifetime of what we have learned. I know how hard it is. I do not blame anyone for not doing it. The truth of the matter is that no matter how many people know my preference, slip ups will always happen, there will ALWAYS be people that don't know my preference nor do they care to know.

To this end I say, do what you do, be you. Do what makes you feel comfortable cause you can only control you.
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